I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Drunk is not a location!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
