I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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