I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
