1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
