she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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