escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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