You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
