batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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