My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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