i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
