Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
