things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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