she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
