Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
