sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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