wanna go halves on a baby?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
