I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
