did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
