Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
