I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I bet he comes in French.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
