i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
