I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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