Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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