The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
