I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
