last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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