Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
it was like having sex with a tree stump
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize