3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
