First date: that requires underwear, huh?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
