I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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