Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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