if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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