You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
