Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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