I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
