fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
