I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
