Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
