it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
