I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
if only i could text you this smell
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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