I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
