would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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