I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
