What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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