Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Everclear isn't food dammit
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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