im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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