Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
