Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
