Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
