i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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