The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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