I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
of course. lets lasso hookers.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
