Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
