I showed him my bush... on skype.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
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