i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
