Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
