YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
