I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
