If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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