You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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