They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
