What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
