I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
