That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Randomize
