It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
