You smell like stripper and shame
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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