I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
