The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
