i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i came on her dog
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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