Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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